Peer Review 1

First off, this is an amazing, well-developed essay. Your argument was very strong, and you included some very good points. In the very beginning of your essay, your hook just drew me right in. Right off, I knew what your argument was going to be about. Throughout the essay, you included very strong sentences that were carefully thought off. Your thesis did a very good job setting up your essay and included all the main points. One thing that I did notice was that instead of conversing with the authors, you pronounced them and their work. I think that you should bring them in as a conversation and include them in your argument rather than just pronouncing them, this will allow for your argument to be stronger and bolder. I also found a couple of good places where you could potentially put quotes from the authors to make statements more powerful. In your conclusion, you had a really good counter-argument that didn’t contradict your main argument, but it just showed another side. I really liked how your conclusion ties all the paragraphs together. To make it stronger, you could add a quote or an interesting fact that gives readers something to walk away with. Overall, you did a very good job with this essay. Your points were VERY clear, and it was well structured. Good luck with the revision and I am excited to read the final piece.